From the Courts

Nardone: Kareem Abdul-Jabbar Has Many Other Thoughts

Rob Curtis/Icon Sportswire

Kareem Abdul-Jabbar thinks Dirk Nowitzki is a one-trick pony. How do we know that? The sky-hook aristocrat said as much recently. Kareem basically said that Dirk hasn’t had a dominant career, which was a weird way of diminishing one of, if not the, best international players to ever play in the NBA.

It is what it is, though. Everyone is entitled to their own opinions. To come crashing down on Kareem for thinking something that’s unpopular would be strange. Especially considering that we all say strange things on the daily. Hell, saying strange things has made Donald Trump one of the front-runners to become the leader of the free world.

Honestly, on the scale of wacky things said on a daily basis, Kareem’s is relatively low on the list.

However, it does make a man ponder certain things about the former Los Angeles Lakers center: What are some other thoughts roaming about the insides of his cranium?

Good thing we have totally not obtained a not even close to being real tablet that holds all of Kareem’s thoughts on paper. Let’s take a gander together.

Kareem’s Thoughts

Kareem thinks Brock Lesnar is a poor WWE talent. Moreover, he feels that “Suplex City” is a bad attempt at covering up how old, decomposing and one-dimensional the WWE Superstar actually happens to be.

Abdul-Jabbar has a sneaky suspicion that the New England Patriots are less a dynasty over the last decade and more a decent team playing among wretched franchises. Furthermore, the organization has only won Super Bowls by default.

Oddly, Kareem thinks lettuce is underrated.

Would prefer Square-Enix remake Final Fantasy VIII instead of VII. In his gut he feels like the former has untapped potential while the latter was an actual attempt to push cross-dressing into the mainstream disguised as a 100-plus hour video game.

Fast and Furious: Tokyo Drift is the best installment in the franchise.

Lobsters would totally whoop a unicorn’s rear in a MMA fight. Though, he notes that in a boxing match the unicorn would have far better odds, as it has an incredible reach advantage.

Mike Tyson’s NES Punch-Out would’ve been better if Glass Joe were the final boss:

Leonardo DiCaprio is an okay actor, but it’s been all downhill since Growing Pains.

Thinks Taylor Swift is a musical icon that isn’t beholden to one generation.

Wishes the Rolling Stones would tour again.

Feels as if Dick Vitale is the nation’s best color commentator.

Kareem doesn’t understand what all the fuss is about concerning Stephen Curry.

In small, seemingly coded numbers, Kareem notes: Magic Johnson is a genius on Twitter. One of the great thinkers of our time:

He subscribes to Playboy Magazine…for the articles.

Wonders if/when aliens invade if they’ll all eerily resemble Adam Silver.

Kareem strongly wants to start a petition to legalize cute puppies — but cute puppies only — being allowed to run for local office.

Has Bill Walton’s personal phone number written down, but scribbled out. There’s a note written to the side. It says: Don’t hang out with Billy on Saturdays anymore.

James Worthy would be the league’s best center if he played today.

Wants Byron Scott to get an extension.

Remember the old NES cartridges that were black instead of grey? Thinks it was a conspiracy, though he never goes into detail as to what about.

Marcia Cross is pretty.

American Horror Story is not convoluted. Also, Lady Gaga is the best actress of her time.

If he were to run for president, Kareem feels Skip Bayless would make a solid VP.

There’s thousands of pages documenting the Metal Gear video game franchise. Kareem seems to be the only person NOT confused by there being at least four Snakes:

“Aardvarks >>> antelopes.” Honestly, that’s all it says.

His notebook ends with a song that’s dated to be written in the 1970s. I’ve attached the sole performance I could find of it. Seems as if someone owes Kareem some royalties:

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